i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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