shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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