I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just threw up on my dentist
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
