Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
