so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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