You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
