she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
