I accidentally burped into my bong.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
