I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
