real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
