i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
