Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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