i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
