I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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