i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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