I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
