I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
