just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
