I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
