I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Randomize
