I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
