Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
