I puked a lego.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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