she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
