Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
