I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
