yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
