Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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