It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
