Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
