My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
