if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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