I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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