In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
it hurts more in the daytime
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
