My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
