I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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