Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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