Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
