My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
