where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
