Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
