In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
