I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Drunk is a universal language darling
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
