we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
