my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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