Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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