Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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