I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
