Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
