Plan B is the new Plan A
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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