it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
