We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
This baby is an asshole
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
