UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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